Saturday, October 15, 2011

Motherhood: Why I Hate Balloons!

Advisory:  If you really want to read about the pillow making process, this post is not for you.  Click here for a feel good post about pillows!  Once again, my husband is travelling for work and I feel the need to vent.  My children are making me question my already questionable sanity.  But, hey, at least I am not sick.  

I despise loathe abhor hate balloons!  Yes, I know that balloons make people happy with all their pretty colors, characters, designs, sizes, shapes, the way the sway and move, but they usually just bring me to the brink of insanity.  Like most children, my little ones love to get a balloon.  However, parting with the balloon is not sweet sorrow.  It is a strong and bitter sorrow and sometimes behaving with a balloon is problematic.  There are many instances that I could share with you when having a balloon has been an issue, but I will share the following story on why balloons are really hate filled sacks of helium.  

video
This video does in fact exhibit an ability for the Mlutkowski girls to coexist with a balloon.

Background:

Violet must have been around a year old and that would make Mimi around three the last time I swore my children would never touch another balloon.  I however have since caved but tonight has made me revisit my my ban on balloons.  Okay, lets go back two years ago.  It was a cold day when I decided we needed to get out of the house.  I took my kids to Oakland Mall to play at the germ infested play area.  The girls had a marvelous time playing on the hippo and got along well with all the other children.  Eventually, they came running over begging to be fed.  While walking to Olga's, a woman working at the 1-800 Hansen's kiosk assaulted us with orange Hansen's balloons - not filled with helium, just air.  I should have said, "Thank you so much for the offer.  Can we come back for the balloons after the children have eaten their lunch?"  What I said was, "Gee, thanks so much for the balloons.  Who doesn't like a balloon?"  Yeah, me!  We order lunch and Mimi cannot stop bopping the balloon around.  I ask her nicely to please stop and of course she just can't because she is three.  That does not mean I don't try.  She keeps bopping the balloon, creating havoc, and not eating.  Fortunately, no one was there as we were eating around 11:30.  Finally, all hell breaks lose.  I told her to stop playing with the balloon or I would take it away.  She bops the balloon, spills water, I take the balloon away, she cries, I put the balloon under the table.  Mimi tries to get the balloon, I am angry, I step on balloon and pop it, pay the bill, and get out of Olga's.  I tell her it will be a long time before she gets another balloon and eats at a restaurant again.  Trust me, I kept my promise.  Fast forward to tonight.

Present Day Madness

Violet is depressed and missing her daddy sooooo much.  Both girls really wanted to play in the play area at Great Lakes Crossing.  So, I decided that once I knew MSU was going to win today, we would head out.  We arrived at the mall and I noticed the play area looked uncharacteristically calm.  As we get closer, we have the following dialog:

Me:  Uh oh!
Mimi:  What's wrong, Mommy?
Me:  It looks like the play area is closed.
Mimi:  ***gasp*** Why?
Me:  Closed for renovations.
Violet:  Pick me up!  I can't see!  Why is it closed?  I want to play!
Me:  You can't play here.  It is closed.
Violet:  ***tears***  I want to play.
Me:  We can walk around the mall.
Violet:  No, I want to play!
Mimi:  Let's just eat dinner.
Me:  Ok!

We arrive at Johnny Rockets and they were excited because it looks like an old diner.  The girls have never eaten there before.  Mimi gets a grilled cheese and orange pop.  (Score for mom.)  Violet gets two mini hots dogs and milk. (Deduct a point for mom because Vi wanted three mini hot dogs.)  Violet spills her milk. (Deduct a point)  Waitstaff does a corny dance. (Score a half point)  Mom says no to dessert. (Deduct a point.)  Waitress brings over two balloons.  (Score 1,000 points for Mom and waitress.)  I tied the balloon onto their adorably soft wrists.  Ahh....happiness.  The mall was incredibly busy and chaotic.  I have to say, having the balloons was a great way to keep track of my two children.  However, it was time to leave.  I untied Mimi's balloon so she could get her coat on.  When I tied it back on, apparently the tie was not tight enough.  As we walked out the door, the balloon flew off her adorably soft wrist.  Commence the following conversation:

Mimi:  Oh no!!!! My balloon.  I am so unhappy.  I am so mad.  I want my balloon.
Me:  I am so sorry Mimi! 
Mimi:  Please take me back to the restaurant to get another balloon?
Me:  No, Mimi!  I am sorry but we need to go home.
Mimi:  Do you think it will blow to our house and be waiting for us when we get home?
Me:  No, it is just gone.
Mimi:  I am so mad!
(at the car, I untie Vi's balloon to get her buckled into her car seat.)
Mimi:  I got Vi's balloon.  Now we can share.
Violet:  Mimi!  Give me my balloon!
Mimi:  No!  I am so mad I lost mine!
Me:  Girls!  Stop!  Mimi give Vi back her balloon!
(ruckus of crying and yelling from little girls due to balloon inequality.  oops!  how did that happen?  mom grabs a hold of the balloon and it somehow flies out of the car.)
Violet:  ***screams. cries**** I need my balloon!!!!!!!
Mimi:  Well, I guess neither of us has a balloon.

As we were leaving the mall and both girls were boisterously recounting the balloon mishaps, I completely zoned out and turned on the radio.  The song, The Search is Over, by Survivor was on and I was transported back to middle school roller skating parties and forgot to get on I-75.  (For your own flashback click here!)  Oops.  I corrected my mistake and we made it home.  

By 7:00, the girls and I were having cuddle time and we had the following conversation:

Mimi:  Excuse me for tooting.  I feel a big fart coming on tonight.  (Keep in mind, she spends her day with boys, there is only one other girl in her class.)
Violet:  Poopy Baby
Mimi:  Pig Butt!
Me:  Stop talking like that!
Girls:  ***Lots of giggles***
Me:  Time for bed!

They have been tucked in more times then I can count in the past hour because someone always has to tell me something.  We have covered Halloween costumes, pooping, what we are going to do tomorrow, and what happens if I die when Mimi is still a kid.  All the important stuff is out of the way and the children are finally quiet.  What ever will I do with myself for the next couple hours?  I am guessing I will throw some laundry in the dryer, stitch up a couple pillows, maybe I will watch a movie (damn, I just remembered I forgot to return the movies), and prepare myself for tomorrow craziness.   

Yes, I love my children dearly!
And I will probably let them have a balloon
 sometime before their 18th birthdays.

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